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is that most of the time it sucks.
My son is going on 6, going on sixteen and absolutely makes me want to rip my hair out on most days. He has horrible temper tantrums and anything will set him off, especially if he loses at something. He will scream at the top of his lungs, stomp his feet, throw things, call me names, etc. I've tried everything from grounding him, taking away his toys, taking away his privlieges, and nothing much seems to work. I am usually exhausted by the end of the day. I am praying for school to start. praying.
I cannot imagine ever having another child. Aside from not wanting to go through the physical trauma of pregnancy (I hate women who are joyous and glowing during pregnancy. They're lying through their vomit-stained teeth), I cannot emotionally go through the motions of raising another child. No way. Absolutely freakin' no way.
Sometimes I feel bad about feeling like this. Sometimes I feel angry and depressed that I feel like this. I saw an episode of Oprah once (don't laugh!)where women were discussing this issue and I bawled like a baby because I understood what they were saying. They talked about the depression they felt. About how hard it is to be a mother. About how unfulfilling it is sometimes to be a mother. About how selfish they wish they could be. About how being a mother isn't what they thought it would be. About how the myth of motherhood is just that: a myth.
Don't get me wrong. I love me son. I would give my life for my son. No question about that. But oh God sometimes.... I just want to ball myself in a corner and cry, you know?????
July 28 2005, 05:56:24 UTC 6 years ago
Anonymous
July 28 2005, 09:01:19 UTC 6 years ago
July 28 2005, 09:02:04 UTC 6 years ago
July 28 2005, 10:06:19 UTC 6 years ago
July 28 2005, 06:32:54 UTC 6 years ago
No. She's my kid. Love her, and sometimes we laugh together and have fun, but she is not the sun to my solar system. She is my child. Plus, making your child the sun to your solar system is dangerous for them and for you.
I make my life such that my mothering if contained to a few hours per day. I don't think that is bad for either of us. My kids get exposure to the world, and I get away from two year old angst and adolescent lying, whining, complaining, and ingratitude.
Of course, I love them, would die for them, would kill for them, and all of that. But still. The mother mystique is bullshit.
Read Adrienne Rich's "Of Women Born." You'll feel better.
This from a pregnant woman.
July 28 2005, 06:49:22 UTC 6 years ago
i disagree to an extent. i would be SO lonely without my children. when they are gone i hardly know what to do with myself.
i'm not obsessive though.
July 28 2005, 07:58:39 UTC 6 years ago
I see your point and raise you one...
Yeah, I like being with my kids, but they aren't my ONLY source of happiness -- that is, I have a life outside my children. That's more what I meant. I think mothers need adult companionship too.I cry every night because I miss my older daughter. Every night, so I am lonely without her. But I'm also lonely for adult companionship.
That's why I miss the slam -- it gave me a once a week opportunity to get out around people like me, to get away from children of mine and children who were students of mine and to hang with adults.
My sister claims she never ever wants to be parted from her son, she's perfectly happy with him all of the time, and I worry about the huge empty nest she's gonna have. Not that I won't have one either, but I'll be 60 by that time and Chloe had damned well better given me a granddaughter by then.
July 28 2005, 08:51:46 UTC 6 years ago
Re: I see your point and raise you one...
hahaha.yeah, there are extremes to it. there are those who live vicariously through their children and want something to control....and there are those who can't stand being around them.
i'm just happy and grateful for the cuddling. you know you LOVE you some hardcore cuddling!
July 28 2005, 09:34:10 UTC 6 years ago
Re: I see your point and raise you one...
Holy shit do I loves me some hardcore cuddling. My oldest is a HARDCORE cuddler. 100 lbs of preteen girl sitting on my lap, spooning me at night. Baby Cosi, not so much. But Chloe needs loving 24-7.I love that :)
July 28 2005, 09:08:24 UTC 6 years ago
Thanks, sweetie. It does feel good to know that I'm not the only one. I really do love my son to pieces, but when he's in his temper-tanrum phase (which is everyday)I just can't take it. My mom likes to make me feel better by saying, "Oh, you think this is bad now, just wait until he's a teenager." My parents are just DYING to get revenge on me for how I treated them when I was a teenager. Being a mother is definetely the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Thanks for your support. I love you and miss you so much.
July 28 2005, 06:47:17 UTC 6 years ago
i've always said my kids are the rudest people i've ever met, and that a mother's child will stand to be the meanest person she's ever met.
do you know why?
they are practicing on us. we are their target practice. we teach them boundaries. and they have to practice on something. ;)
i think every mom has her bad days where she wonders if she's cut out for it, yet something keeps you there, huh? wonder what THAT could be.
now, competitive sports or games are hard for ANY child under the age of 8 to lose at (even my son cries about pokemon). i would take all competitive games away, until he can learn to be a "good sport." let him watch you and shawn play and "show" him how you react when you lose.
also, my son calmed down considerably when his sister came along. ;) he wasn't the "be all end all" anymore, so some of his "power" was taken. my best friend said that things got easier for her when she had her second child as well, a companion for her first.
hold on tight honey. you know something sweet's up ahead. the boy will probably make a macaroni castle for you and breakfast in bed, and you'll forget all about it.
love love love
s
July 28 2005, 07:51:12 UTC 6 years ago
i may have turned out to be a really shitty person, otherwise. i consider them to be my saving grace.
July 28 2005, 09:25:56 UTC 6 years ago
Little boys drive me crazy!!!!!
July 28 2005, 09:48:26 UTC 6 years ago
single mothers are TWICE as awesome, sweety. don't forget that.
i'm sorry about your struggling, hon. do you still have my number? because what you're going through isn't unnatural. zye's testing those boundaries and seeing how far he can get. what is good about that is that it will help him in adulthood (being strongwilled) yet it's soooo frustrating for mothers.
i have these days, sweety. chin up. i love you. and it's a phase. soon you'll look back and think gosh, that phase was waaay easier than this new one! ;)
July 28 2005, 09:14:56 UTC 6 years ago
I think I'm just in a temporary slump. The tantrums seem to have increased lately and I had to pull him out of Tae Kwon Do because he wasn't participating, was sucking his thumb and pretending like he was asleep during practice, and was openly defiant to the male instructors (and being in a martial arts summer program was something that he begged me to do for him). *Sigh* We do have good times. We have great times. I just need to get out of this mommy funk I'm in. Perhaps it's because I'm not in school right now and I'm feeling a bit worthless and Zye is acting up more because he's with me all day. I don't know...... I love you, by the way. You are an awesome mommy and my role model. I mean that.
July 28 2005, 07:01:02 UTC 6 years ago
Fuck.
You know, that magical, ethereal mother-child connection that makes everything tolerable was something I was counting on...July 28 2005, 09:18:03 UTC 6 years ago
Re: Fuck.
Oh, don't pay too much attention to me. ;) I am definetely in a bit of a mommy slump, but it'll pass. My son actually makes me very happy, but when he throws the tantrums and gets the attitude and.... ugghhhh, life isn't very fun then. I think it's just important to realize that motherhood isn't always fabulous and pregnancy isn't always fabulous. I think it's important that mothers and even non-mothers talk about these issues...July 28 2005, 08:31:50 UTC 6 years ago
July 28 2005, 09:22:53 UTC 6 years ago